Always Need You
by HGRache
Summary: Angel and Cordy's friendship remains strong through various challenges.
1. 1

I don't own any of these characters; I am simply using them for my own amusement. I am making no money off of this.

Rachel

> > > > > >

Cordelia Chase walked into Angel Investigations with a smile on her face. She didn't know why, but she was incredibly happy.

She hummed a little tune as she picked up a stack of files off her desk. She filed them cheerfully before returning to her desk and booting up her computer.

"What's got you so happy?"

Cordelia didn't even jump at the sudden voice behind her. "Can't a girl be in a good mood?"

Angel nodded. "A girl, yes. You, I'm not so sure."

She made a face at him. "Since when did you develop a sense of humor?"

"Since you've been in a good mood."

"Another one! And you say I'm in a good mood."

"Seriously, though. You seem really happy."

Cordelia shrugged. "I am."

"Did you get a call back or something?"

She made another face. "I don't think so. I don't know why I'm so happy. I just am."

"Well, I'm glad. You deserve a break."

"A break from what?" Fred asked, coming into the room.

"A break from being miserable," Cordy chirped.

Fred nodded. "We could all use a break from that."

Angel nodded his consent. "Maybe we should go out to dinner tonight."

Cordelia eyed him suspiciously. "And what's got you in such a good mood?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Life's pretty good right now. I'm happy, Connor's happy. Life's just good."

"You mean the unlife," Cordy quipped. "And don't get too happy. I wouldn't want to have to stake you. That would surely ruin _my _good mood."

Angel smiled. "Wouldn't want to do that."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer. "I think I like you better when you're broody."

Angel was about to say something when Connor cried. As he held his son and talked to him soothingly, Cordelia watched them. She loved Connor to pieces, but sometimes the ache for a baby of her own was unbearable. Other times, however, she knew that she couldn't handle a baby, not the way Angel could. Not alone.

She shook her head, clearing away all baby thoughts. No need to ruin a rare good mood. She started entering information into the computer, vaguely aware of Angel taking Connor into the other room to play with Fred. She heard Wesley mumbling in his office and Gunn talking about training. She tuned them out, however, and let her mind drift.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been working when the phone on her desk rang.

She picked it up. "Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless."

"Delia? Is that you?"

"Mom?"

"I'm so glad I caught you. I tried your apartment, but you weren't there."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Daddy. He had a heart attack last night. He died."

"Oh my God. What-oh my God."

"We're having a service tomorrow evening. I wanted to have it in the morning, but his associates didn't want to miss work."

"Oh my God."

"Delia, please. Anyway, the service is tomorrow at seven. If you want to come to the house, we can ride together. If not, I'll give you directions."

"I'll come to the house."

"OK. See you later, dear."

After she hung up the phone Cordelia sat quietly, staring at the wall. Tears gathered in her eyes.

Wesley cleared his throat behind her. "Cordelia? Are you alright?"

She nodded her head, unable to talk. Tears spilled onto her cheeks.

Angel put his hands on her shoulders. "Cordy, let us help you," he said in a low voice.

She sniffled. "That was my mom. My father died last night." Saying it out loud made it real, and she started crying.

Angel leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. She cried harder. She felt Fred place Connor in her lap and wrap her arms around Cordelia as well. Wes and Gunn each placed a hand on her shoulder.

After a few minutes she laughed and pushed her hair away from her face. "Look at me. I'm a mess. You'd think my father and I were close or something."

Angel watched as she played with Connor's hair. "He's still your father, Cordy."

"But we weren't close. At all. His idea of bonding was giving me a credit card. Not that I was much better," she said bitterly.

"That was a long time ago," Wesley said. "You're a different person now."

Cordelia shook her head. "Apparently not. All I can think is how much I don't want to go back to that place. That town, those people. I'm so horrible."

Angel shook his head. "Cordy, you are not a horrible person," he said firmly. "You were miserable in Sunnydale. Of course you wouldn't want to go back there."

"But I have to. I told my mom that I would." She closed her eyes and tears spilled onto her cheeks.

Angel took her hand in his. "How about I go with you?"

"What?"

"I'll go with you. Maybe it'll be a little easier that way."

"But what about Connor?"

"We'll bring him with us. He's never been on a road trip before."

"And we'll take care of everything here," Fred said, pointing to herself, Wes, and Gunn. "Don't worry about anything here."

Cordelia looked at Angel. "You don't have to do this," she said in a low voice. "Sunnydale wasn't too good to you either."

"Cordy, your father just died. You shouldn't have to face that all alone."

"I just want to make sure that you're sure-"

"I'm positive. When do we have to leave?"

"The service is tomorrow night, so to be safe, we should probably leave this evening."

Angel nodded. "We'll be ready. You should go home and pack. Get some rest. I'll call you later."

Cordelia nodded. "Yeah, I think I will. I'm drained."

Gunn stood up. "I'll walk you home."

Cordelia started to protest, but stopped when she saw the looks on all three men's faces. "OK, thanks."


	2. 2

At six o'clock that evening, minutes after the sun had gone down, Cordelia's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey." It was Angel. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, all packed and ready to go."

"Alright. Connor and I will be right over."

"OK, bye." Cordelia hung up the phone and looked around the room. She had a carry-on bag full of makeup and other bathroom stuff on the floor. A suitcase with clothes sat on the bed. She picked up the suitcase, slung the bag over her shoulder, and went downstairs to wait for Angel.

He knocked on her door five minutes later. She opened the door and took Connor from him. He grabbed her bags and put them in the trunk while she buckled Connor into his seat. She climbed into the passenger seat as Angel slid behind the wheel.

They were silent for a long time. Cordelia switched through the radio stations before settling on an alternative station. The slow melody of Chris Gaines' 'Lost In You' filled the car.

Angel cleared his throat. "So, um, where exactly am I taking you?"

"Oh. Sorry. My mom's house. 115 Vine. It's off the main road."

"OK. Sounds good. Is that, uh, where Connor and I are staying too?"

"Yeah. If you want, I mean. There's plenty of room. At least that's what she said."

"OK."

They were silent again for a long time. Every so often Cordelia would sigh.

Finally Angel looked at her. "Are you alright?"

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Coming back to Sunnydale, I mean. I don't exactly have a lot of friends there."

"What about Willow? She was always nice to you."

"Yeah, she was so nice to me that she made out with my boyfriend." Cordelia sighed again. "I'm really not still bitter about that."

"Sounds like it."

Cordelia smacked him in the arm. "All I'm saying is Willow and I don't have the best history. Xander and I were never friends. Anya used my pain to change the world. Spike bit me. I don't even know Dawn. And we all know how I feel about Buffy."

"OK, so you didn't exactly get along with the Scooby Gang. But what about Harmony and your other friends?"

"Harmony the vampire? The girls who all left Sunnydale for preppy colleges? Come on, Angel, get real."

Angel shook his head. "OK, well, what about your mom? Aren't you glad to be seeing her again?"

Cordelia sighed, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes. "Angel, my mom and I weren't close. Ever. Between her endless social engagements and the fights with my dad, she just didn't have time for me."

"You have to have some good family memories."

"Oh, sure. Vacations were a blast. Skiing in Aspen, scuba diving in the Bahamas. But we weren't a family there. I did those things by myself. The only time we spent as a family was the plane ride there and back."

"That's really sad."

Cordelia nodded. "I know. Promise me you'll never do that with Connor. Promise me you'll always put him first and always tell him what he means to you."

Angel nodded. "You know I will."

They lapsed into silence again and the next time Angel looked at her, she was gazing adoringly at Connor.

"He really loves you," Angel said.

"I love him too." Her voice had a different quality to it, almost a sad one.

"We wouldn't be able to do this without you, Cordy. I wouldn't."

Cordelia chuckled. "Yes you would."

Angel thought for a moment. "Maybe we could. But I wouldn't want to. He needs you, Cordy. You're like the mother he'll never have."

"I know," she said. "I know."

Angel turned the car onto Vine Street and Cordelia pointed out the house to him. He pulled in the driveway behind several other cars.

"We can just leave the bags for now," Cordelia said. "Should I get Connor?"

"No, I'll get him," Angel said. "You go ahead."

Cordelia walked up the front path and into the front door. "Come in, Angel," she called over her shoulder. Angel came in behind her, Connor sleeping on his shoulder. She heard voices and followed them into the living room. Her mother was sitting on the couch. Sitting in various chairs around the room were Buffy, Spike, and Dawn.

Cordelia stopped short in the doorway. She hadn't expected this.

Her mother looked up. "Delia! You came!"

Cordelia bit her lip. "I told you I would, Mom."

"Yes, yes you did. Come in, dear, and sit down. Oh! You brought a friend."

Cordelia glanced at Buffy, whose gaze was riveted on Angel. Spike was glaring at him, while Dawn was watching Connor. "Uh, yeah. Mom, this is Angel."

"Angel? As in your boss Angel?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. How nice."

Cordelia bit back a sigh. She knew what her mother meant. It wasn't nice, it was strange.

Angel cleared his throat. "Maybe I should go get the bags."

Cordelia nodded and took Connor from him. "Mom, where should we put them?"

"Oh! The guest room is the first one on the right, top of the stairs."

Angel nodded and went outside. Dawn nudged Spike. "He probably needs help."

"So?"

Dawn glared at him. "Spike!"

Spike sighed dramatically. "Oh, alright, Nibblet. I'll go help him."

"Be nice!" she called after him.

Cordelia turned to Buffy, who was watching her, no expression on her face. "What are you guys doing here?"

It was Dawn who answered. "We didn't think your mom should be alone." She laughed as Angel and Spike walked past, Angel carrying everything except Cordelia's carry-on bag.

Cordelia shook her head. "Those two will fight until the day they die."

"Probably," Buffy said. "So. You and Angel sleep in the same room?"

"What's up with you and Spike?" Cordelia shot back.

Victoria Chase looked confused. "What are you two talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" Spike said, following Angel down the stairs.

"Cordelia and Angel," Buffy bit out.

"Buffy and Spike," Cordelia ground out.

Angel and Spike looked at each other uneasily. Finally Dawn spoke up. "Uh, probably not the best topic of discussion, guys."

Victoria spoke as Connor began to cry. "I'm not quite sure I understand."

Cordelia sighed. "I'll explain tomorrow, Mom. Right now I think Connor's ready for bed."

Her mother nodded reluctantly. "Alright, dear. I'll see you in the morning."

Cordelia and Angel said goodnight and took Connor upstairs. Cordelia nudged the bedroom door open with her foot and stepped inside.

The room was large. The walls were painted a light purple. The drapes were white and lacy. A king-sized bed was pushed against the wall. On the opposite wall was a cherry dresser with a TV on top. Beside the bed was a matching cherry nightstand. There was an antique lamp and an alarm clock on the top. There was a large closet across from the bed. Angel had set the luggage in front of the closet and had set Connor's playpen up beside the bed.

Cordelia laid Connor down on the bed and popped a pacifier in his mouth while Angel pulled out Connor's pajamas. Angel changed Connor and put him in the playpen while Cordelia unpacked her clothes.

After a few minutes of silence angel perched on the bed and watched Cordelia. She methodically took a black dress out of her bag and reached for a hanger. Instead of hanging the dress in the closet, however, she held it in her hands and stared at it for a long time.

Angel cleared his throat softly. "Are you alright?"

She chuckled. "Yeah. It's just weird. Everything's changing. Daddy's gone, this is a different house than I'm used to, Dawn, Buffy and Spike…"

"What about Buffy and Spike?"

"Well, Dawn's a little too young for him, don't you think? Think about it, Angel."

"Buffy and Spike…together?" He made a face when she didn't reject his theory. "That's so like him."

Cordelia nodded. "Yeah, OK."

Angel was quiet a few minutes. "Do you think they've…you know?"

Cordelia shrugged. "I don't know, Angel," she said tiredly. She climbed onto the bed beside him. "I just don't know."

Angel opened his mouth to say something but stopped when she stretched out. He groaned. "I'm sorry, Cordy. This is really hard for you and I'm going on about myself."

She leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. "It's fine. I know it has to be shocking for you."

"Not the point," Angel said. "Can I get you anything?"

"Sleep," she said. "Just sleep."

Angel nodded. "Then sleep. I'll be here."


	3. 3

Cordelia awoke the next morning to a sharp pan in her skull. She reached her hand up and heard a giggle.

"Connor!" Angel said. "Don't pull Cordy's hair!"

Cordelia opened her eyes and was met with the sight of a smiling Connor. She reached out and gave his hair a light tug. He giggled again. "How do you like it, buddy?"

Angel leaned over and scooped him up. "I'm so sorry. He screamed until I put him on the bed."

Cordelia yawned and stretched. "No problem. I should probably be getting up soon anyway."

"Your mom's not up yet," Angel said.

"How do you know?"

"Her heartbeat. It slows in sleep. Plus her room is right down the hall."

"Oh. And here I was thinking you were almost as cool as Superman with his X-ray vision."

Angel chuckled. "No, I'm not that good."

Cordelia yawned again before climbing out of bed. "Let me shower and change and then we can head downstairs. You must be hungry."

Angel shrugged. "I'll live."

"Or un-live," Cordelia said over her shoulder as she headed down the hall to the bathroom.

> > > > > >

An hour later Cordelia emerged from the bathroom, showered and wearing jeans and a plain white T-shirt. Angel and Connor both looked up as she entered the room.

"OK," she said. "All done." Her hair was dry and swept back in a ponytail. Her face had just a hint of makeup and she smelled like lilacs.

"Your mom's starting to stir," Angel said.

"Well, I'm going to see about getting you some blood. I should be back before she gets up."

Angel picked up Connor and followed her downstairs. "Cordy, that's really not necessary. I'm fine."

Cordelia opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a knock on the front door. She crossed the room and pulled the door open.

Dawn stood there holding a brown paper bag. She held it out. "It's blood. For Angel. I thought he might get hungry."

Cordelia invited the girl in. "Dawn, that's so nice."

"Yeah, well, Spike won't think so. I took it from his stash."

Angel glanced at it. "Are you sure it's alright to drink?"

"Spike may do a lot of stupid stuff, but even he wouldn't poison his own stash," Dawn said.

Angel glanced at the blood again before nodding. "Thanks, Dawn."

"Do you want to stay for awhile?" Cordelia asked. "I'm sure there's coffee I can make or something."

Angel checked the fridge, careful to avoid the sunlight coming in through the window over the sink. "There's plenty of eggs," he said. "I can make omelets."

"Ding ding ding!" Cordelia said. "We have a winner!"

Angel handed Cordelia a bottle out of the fridge. "You feed Connor and I'll make breakfast."

Cordelia noticed Dawn eyeing the little boy. "Do you have much experience with kids?"

Dawn shook her head. "Not really."

Cordelia sat down on the couch and Dawn sat beside her. "Do you want to feed him? It's not hard."

Dawn hesitated. "Uh, sure." Cordelia situated Connor in the young girl's arms before handing her the bottle.

"All you have to do is hold the bottle. Just make sure you hold it at an angle so he isn't sucking air."

Dawn fed him for several minutes before she laughed in delight. "Look! He's grabbing the bottle!"

Cordelia smiled. "That's his way of saying 'keep it coming'."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Dawn spoke again. "You make a really great mom. Buffy never thought you would, but you do."

"You mean surrogate mom."

"No, I mean mom mom. Aren't you Connor's mom?"

"Connor's mom? Are you crazy? How could I be Connor's mom?"

Dawn shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, you and Angel came here together with a baby, and you seem like a natural with him…"

"Oh my God," Cordelia said. "Everyone thinks this? Oh my God."

"You're not Connor's mom?"

"No! Hello, the kid's blonde!"

Dawn looked horrified. "Oh! I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, it's fine."

"OK, so if you're not Connor's mom, who is?"

"Darla. She and Angel were together when he went all evil and she got pregnant."

"Oh."

"Does everybody think this?"

"Not everybody. Just me, Buffy, and Spike."

"Oh my God. No wonder she looked like she wanted to slay me last night."

"She'll be OK when I tell her the truth."

Cordelia shook her head as her mother descended the stairs. "What is that smell? Is somebody cooking?"

"Morning, Mom. Angel's making omelets."

"Oh. I don't have time for breakfast. There are some last minute details I have to take care of."

"Do you need any help?"

"Oh, thank you, dear, but I can handle these things. I have to learn to do things myself now. I'll see you later this afternoon, dear." She grabbed her purse and left.

Dawn looked at Cordelia, who shrugged. "Maybe she's not hungry."

Dawn furrowed her brow. "Actually, I don't think she's cried yet."

Cordelia smiled softly. "It's a lovely thing, denial. It'll hit her eventually."

"And you too," Angel said, setting the omelets on the dining room table.

Cordelia sighed and took Connor from Dawn, putting him on her shoulder to burp him. "It's hit me, Angel. I'm just still numb."

Dawn took Connor's bottle to the kitchen and rinsed it out. "It's the same thing. When my mom died, I cried all the time. But I didn't really understand that she wasn't coming back until we buried her."

"That's not something I'm looking forward to."

"I know this is cliché, but it does get better," Dawn said. "Every day you hurt, but each day it hurts a little less."

Cordelia shrugged. "I'm partial to the numbness." She pulled three glasses out of the cabinet and filled them with milk while Angel pulled Connor's high chair to the table. The little boy giggled and slapped the table with his palms. Dawn sat down across the table and began making faces at him.

Cordelia came up to Angel and nudged him with her shoulder. "You know, for a little boy whose father can't ever be truly happy, he is the image of bliss."

Angel smiled. "I know. That's good, right?"

She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. "That's good."

> > > > > >

Shortly after five that evening Victoria Chase came back. She was sporting a new hairdo and a fresh manicure.

She stood in the living room and clapped her hands. "Is everybody ready?"

Cordelia raised her eyebrows slightly. "Mom, we have a little bit of time."

"Oh, I know, dear. I'm just anxious to get this over with."

"We all are, Mom. We all are."

Victoria walked around the living room, picking up various things. "I do have to be there early, though. Last minute preparations and all."

Cordelia nodded. "OK, Mom. We'll go early. Is six o'clock early enough?"

Victoria nodded. "Yes, dear, six is fine."

Cordelia nodded again. "OK. I'll let Angel know."

Angel, as it turned out, had heard the entire conversation, thanks to his vampire hearing. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Connor and I will be ready."

Cordelia nodded and disappeared upstairs. Angel went upstairs about ten minutes later to get Connor ready, but she wasn't in the bedroom. He found her in the bathroom, staring at her reflection in the mirror, mascara brush in her shaking hand.

Angel watched silently for several minutes as she tried to steady her hands long enough apply her makeup. Finally Angel walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stopped what she was doing and leaned into his touch.

They stayed like that forever; at least that's what it felt like. Finally Cordelia broke the silence. "I don't want to go," she whispered.

He rested his chin on top of her head. "I know."

"Why do we have to go? I don't want to go."

"You don't have to go, Cordy. Everyone will understand if you don't."

Cordelia shook her head, pulling away. "No. I told my mom that I would go with her. I have to go."

Angel tried to soothe her nerves. "It'll all be over in a few hours. The you can start healing and move on with your life."

Cordelia took a deep breath and picked up her mascara again. "A few more hours," she repeated.

Angel gave her a small smile and left her to get ready in peace.

She came downstairs a few minutes later. Angel was sitting on the couch, Connor on his lap, trying to make akward small talk with Victoria. He looked up and offered her a small smile. She laughed inwardly. Finally Angel, dressed all in black, would fit in.

She herself was wearing a modest black dress and flat black shoes. She wore a simple gold chain around her neck and very little makeup.

Victoria, ever the fashion icon, was dressed to the nines. Her black dress was tight and molded itself to her body. She wore a flashy diamond ring on her right hand. On her head was a large, stylish black hat. A thin black gauze veil came down tot he bridge of her nose.

Victoria smiled at her daughter. "Are you ready to go, dear?"

Cordelia hesitated and looked at Angel, who gave her a small smile. She took a deep breath. "I'm ready."


	4. 4

The church was large and ominous looking. Cordelia swallowed the lump in her throat and followed her mother into the church.

The inside of the church wasn't much better that the outside. It was large and dark, shadows lingering everywhere. The building was cold and Cordelia wished she'd kept her coat on.

A short man in a suit came out of a room off of the main lobby. "Mrs. Chase, how are you today?"

Victoria grasped his outstretched hands. "Oh, Martin, I'm glad you're here. This has been so difficult." Victoria turned toward Cordelia. "This is my daughter, Cordelia, and her…friend Angel."

Martin turned to Cordelia and extended his hand. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Cordelia nodded, unable to speak. She was grateful for the reassuring hand Angel placed on her shoulder.

Victoria looked at Cordelia. "Dear, this is Martin Brown. He's handling most of the arrangements for the service. If you'll excuse us, we have some last minute details to take care of." She disappeared into a side room with Martin.

Cordelia sighed and walked around the lobby, looking at various pictures on the wall. She smiled slightly when she heard Connor squeal. She turned around and gazed affectionately at him. He laughed and held his arms out to her. She took him from Angel and held him close. He immediately grabbed a fistful of her hair.

Angel laughed and gently disengaged his son's fingers. "He hasn't learned yet."

"That's alright. It doesn't hurt." She winced as Connor grabbed another handful of hair. "Not too much."

Angel turned when voices outside the door caught his attention. Moments later the door opened. Buffy stepped in first, followed by Dawn and Spike. Willow, Xander, and Anya came in after them. They stood awkwardly in the doorway, off-guard at seeing Angel and Cordelia standing so intimately.

Finally Dawn cleared her throat. "Hey," she said softly. She walked over to Cordelia and gave her a hug. "How are you holding up?" she whispered in Cordelia's ear. Cordelia squeezed her gently, unable to speak.

Dawn stepped back and tousled Connor's hair. "Hey, buddy."

Buffy cleared her throat. "Cordelia, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted the other night. I made an assumption and I shouldn't have."

Cordelia gave her a small smile. "Thanks."

Willow stepped forward and gave her a tentative smile. "We're really sorry for your loss."

Cordelia felt the muscles in her throat tighten and she swallowed hard. "Um, thanks." She turned and handed Connor to his father. "I'm going to go look for my mom."

Cordelia turned and walked away, avoiding the looks of the others. She wandered into one of the side rooms, glancing around for her mother. She stopped short when she saw the open casket in the front of the room.

Her breath hitched in her chest. From her place in the back of the room she couldn't see the person in the casket, but she could just imagine her father lying there.

She took a tentative step forward, her breathing labored. Before she even realized it she was mere steps away from the casket. She drew in a ragged breath and forced her head up.

There laid her father. He was pale, more pale than she'd ever seen anyone, and she knew a lot of vampires. His face looked strange, pulled tight to the point that it looked like rubber.

She took a step back as a sob caught in her throat. She took another step back and ran into something hard. She opened her mouth to scream, but the only sound was a small yelp. A pair of hands turned her around and she found herself staring into deep brown eyes. The sob she had been holding in bubbled to the surface and she soon found herself pressed against Xander's chest.

He held her for several minutes before ushering her to the nearest chair. She clung to him for several more minutes before pulling away and dabbing her eyes.

"I don't even know why I bothered to put on mascara," she said wryly. "It's probably all over my face now."

Xander used his thumb to wipe away the mascara smudges. "There we go. Problem solved."

"It's not that simple."

He gazed at her with sympathy in his eyes before he sighed. "I know."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before people began filing into the room. Victoria came first, followed by a myriad of men in suits. Angel and the Scooby Gang followed them in.

Cordelia and Xander stood as Victoria approached them. "It's time, dear," she said, leading her daughter to the front row. Cordelia's breath caught in her throat and she looked around in panic.

Angel was by her side in an instant and she grasped his hand gratefully. As they walked through the rows of people she was vaguely aware of Dawn sitting between Buffy and Spike, Connor perched on her lap with his pacifier.

When they reached the front row Cordelia sat towards the middle, with Angel and her mother sitting on either side of her. She stared at the floor, tuning out hushed conversations throughout the room.

She looked up as the doors shut and the priest entered. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Angel squeezed her hand and she realized that she'd yet to let it go.

The priest huddled in the back with Martin, giving family and friends a few moments before the service. The soft sounds of "Amazing Grace" filled the room. Cordelia closed her eyes. Almost over.

As the song ended, the priest walked up to a small podium. It was in the front of the room but off to one side, so as not to disturb anyone's view of the casket.

He cleared his throat softly. "Good evening. Tonight we are here to bid a last goodbye to Richard Michael Chase. Richard was a loving husband and a loving father."

Cordelia heard someone sobbing, then realized it was her. Angel pulled tissues out of his pocket and handed them to her. After a moment he pulled her to him, one arm around her shoulder, the other gently stroking her hair.

The rest of the service was a blur for Cordelia. She stayed huddled against Angel, tears still falling, until her mother pulled her up. She followed her mother to the casket, keeping hold of Angel the whole time.

As Cordelia gazed at her father for the last time, she broke again. Angel led her outside and held her as she slumped to the floor sobbing.

She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, but she became aware of stirring inside the parlor. Angel helped her up and they joined Victoria just inside the door.

The people in the front rows had begun the procession past the body. They greeted the family on the way out the door. The men in suits all nodded solemnly at Cordelia. When the Scooby Gang came through they all hugged her except for Spike, who squeezed her arm gently. As hard as she tried to keep them at bay, the tears came again.

> > > > > >

The ride back to the house was silent. Victoria had stayed behind to meet with the priest and she'd insisted that Cordelia go back to the house for the reception. Cordelia leaned her head back against the seat, spent from crying. She had finally managed to compose herself when they left the church.

Angel pulled the car into the driveway but neither made a move to get out. Finally Cordelia sighed. "Let's go."

The house was already lit with several lamps, courtesy of Victoria's friends who'd brought the food over when they were at the church. Cordelia and Angel silently began pulling food out of the refrigerator, uncovering it, and setting it out on the table.

The businessmen arrived first. While Cordelia was tending to them, the Scooby Gang arrived. Angel joined them in the kitchen. "Thanks for taking Connor during the service," he told Dawn.

She gazed affectionately at the baby in Angel's arms. "No problem. He's an angel."

Cordelia appeared in the doorway. "Don't let him fool you," she said dryly. "He's not like this all the time."

As if on cue, Connor burped, then spit up all over his shirt.

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. "What did I tell you?" She turned to Angel, who was trying to clean off his son with a paper towel. "I'll go upstairs and get him a clean shirt." She disappeared through the door.

Several minutes later Angel's vampire hearing picked up a thud and a scream from upstairs. Spike's head also perked up. Angel pushed Connor into Dawn's arms and raced upstairs, Spike on his heels.

Cordelia lay on the floor, hands pressed to her head, body shaking. Angel knelt at her side, pulling her head into his lap. He thought the vision was going to last forever, but finally the screams quieted into whimpers.

"Was that a vision?" Willow asked from the doorway.

Angel silenced them all with a look as he helped Cordelia into a sitting position. She kept her eyes closed and a hand against her temple.

Angel looked around. "Spike, I need that bag by the closet. And she needs some water."

Spike got the bag willingly, refraining from commenting when he saw Cordelia's pale complexion and shaking hands. Angel rummaged through the bag until he found Cordelia's pills. She took two with the water Anya brought for her.

Finally she began to relay her vision. "Demon. Medium height, red, funny looking." She closed her eyes again, trying to remember every detail. "He's got a crown of bone almost. Kinda like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park. The books, not the movie. The one that head-butted the car. Anyway, the demon's attacking an..AA meeting?" She looked at Angel. "Why would anyone attack an AA meeting?"

He considered the question. "If it's the demon I think it is, he gets his power from human vulnerability."

"Almost like a vengeance demon!" Dawn said excitedly. She cast a glance at Anya. "Oops. Sorry."

Anya shrugged indifferently. "Doesn't bother me."

Angel cleared his throat. "It's not a vengeance demon. A vengeance demon is attracted to vulnerability. A Bamboria demon, if that's what this is, actually gets power from killing things that are vulnerable."

Cordelia shrugged slightly. "All I know is that it was killing people. It had these sharp things that it shot out of its hands."

Angel nodded. "Sounds like a Bamboria demon. We'll have to check with Wes to be sure, though."

Cordelia nodded, then winced. "You call." Angel grabbed her under the arms and helped her to her feet, steadying her when she swayed.

She sat on the bed and tried to still her trembling hands. She took out her cell phone, dialed Wes' number, and handed the phone to Angel. While he spoke to Wes, Dawn sat beside Cordelia on the bed, handing Connor to her. Xander and Anya stood together at the window, Buffy and Willow stood by the dresser, and Spike leaned against the doorframe.

Cordelia played with Connor absently, trying to erase the images of destruction from her mind. She'd told Angel that the demon was attacking an AA meeting; in truth, it was a massacre. There were no survivors. Some of the bodies were beyond recognizable. She hoped they could stop it in time.

Angel hung up the phone and cleared his throat, seeing her distraction. "Wes says that he's sure it's a Bamboria demon. They'll take care of it."

Cordelia started to nod, then froze. "Take Connor," she rasped. "Take him!" Then she lost herself in the vision.

A fire. A house on fire. A family of five standing on the street, watching the blaze. Five dead bodies in front of a singed house. A car at the top of a bluff, overlooking Los Angeles. A couple inside. A man with an engagement ring, hands shaking. Two dead people, bodies strewn beside a car, overlooking the city. A red monster, skull adorned with bone; long, sharp spines shooting from his hands…

Cordelia jerked a final time, emerging from the vision. She felt the carpet beneath her cheek, hands holding her body still. The pain in her head was constant and unrelenting.

She kept her eyes closed and tried to return her breathing to normal. A cool washcloth was placed on her forehead. Connor was crying and she heard Angel order Dawn to take him out of the room.

Finally Cordelia opened her eyes. The overhead light blinded her and she closed her eyes again, bringing her hand to her head. She heard someone tell someone else to turn off the light. She cautiously opened her eyes again.

She was lying on the floor, on her side. She saw blood on the carpet. She must have fallen off the bed. She touched her head and brought her hand down. There was blood on her fingers. Angel was on his knees in front of her. Spike and Buffy were crouched at her feet. Anya, Willow, and Xander crowded around, concerned looks on their faces.

She tried to sit up, but her arms wouldn't support her body. Angel gently lifted her into a sitting position, pressing her back against the bed for support. Willow removed the washcloth from her head and started cleaning the wound on her head.

Angel knelt in front of her again. "What did you see?"

Cordelia blinked several times, disoriented at having another vision so quickly. "Another Bamboria demon. A different one. Bigger. One attacking a family. Their house was on fire and they were watching it burn. The demon killed them. Another Bamboria demon was attacking a couple in a car outside of LA."

"How is the couple vulnerable?" Xander asked.

"He was proposing."

"Oh."

"When is this going to happen?" Buffy asked.

"Tomorrow night. Around the same time as the other attack."

"They'll never be able to save them all," Angel said. "There's too many."

"We should go back," Cordelia said quietly.

"We could come too," Buffy said. "To help."

Angel glanced at Cordelia, who said nothing. "That might be a good idea."

Spike nodded. "Count me in." The others all agreed to go too, except for Anya, who would stay behind to look after The Magic Shop."

"I don't want Dawn going, either," Buffy said. "Unless you'll need her to watch Connor."

Angel shook his head. "No, we have someone for Connor."

Buffy nodded. "OK. We'll meet you back here in an hour."

After they left, Angel turned to Cordelia, who was still leaning against the bed. He put Connor in the playpen and knelt beside her again. "Are you alright?"

She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. "It hurts. The pain, the visions, the death. It hurts so much."

Angel pulled her into his arms as she began sobbing. "What can I do?" he whispered. "Tell me what I can do."

"My pills. I need another pill."

Angel hesitated. She'd already taken two; any more would surely knock her out. Of course, that might be the best thing right now. He got her another glass of water and handed her the bottle of pills. She dumped two in her hand and took them without hesitating. Then she put the bottle in her purse.

Angel cleared his throat. "We'd better change."

Cordelia nodded but made no attempt to move. Angel picked her up and gently sat her on the bed. He removed her shoes and went to the closet. He pulled out a pair of jogging pants that he didn't know why she even bothered to bring and a hooded sweatshirt. He set them in her lap.

She looked at him with bleary eyes. "Thanks."

Angel went to his suitcase and removed his clothes: black pants and a long sleeved black shirt. He walked down the hall to the bathroom to change. When he came back he was surprised to see that Cordelia hadn't changed yet. She was struggling with her sweatshirt, trying to put it on over her dress. Angel shook his head, thinking maybe those extra pills weren't such a good idea after all.

Sighing, he took the sweatshirt from her. She tilted her head, squinting up at him. "Let's start with the pants," he said. He slipped her legs into them and slid them up to her knees. "Cordy, I need you to stand up now." He pulled her up gently. She put her arms around his neck, leaning heavily against him. He finished putting her pants on and turned her around, sitting her back on the bed. He unzipped her dress and let the back fall open. He picked up the sweatshirt and put it over her head. Still at her back, he maneuvered her arms into the sleeves and pulled the shirt down over her stomach. He rounded the bed to stand in front of her. Sure enough, she was perfectly dressed.

Cordelia gazed up at him with glazed eyes. "Are we there yet?"

He smiled and gently pushed her back so that she was lying down. "Not yet. Just rest. I'll wake you when we get there."

She gave him a wide smile. "Kay." She closed her eyes and was asleep in minutes.

Angel watched her for several minutes before packing up their things.


	5. 5

Buffy arrived right on time, crowded into Spike's care with Willow and Xander. They helped Angel load the car. Angel left a note for Cordelia's mother saying there was an emergency and Cordelia would call when she could. The reception had ended half an hour ago and Victoria had yet to come back. He put the note on the table and picked Cordelia up. He carried her to the car and Spike opened the passenger door. She didn't even stir when he buckled her in and reclined her seat.

Angel closed the car door and turned to the others. "I spoke to Wes. They know we're coming, so they'll have plenty of rooms at the hotel ready. You can stay there, if you want."

Buffy nodded. "That'd be great." She looked at her friends. "Let's get going."

> > > > > >

Angel was halfway back to LA when he noticed that Connor and Cordy were both asleep. While Cordy hadn't woken up at all, Connor had been gurgling happily earlier.

Angel sighed and tried to relax. It was hard. He was worried about Cordy. She'd never had visions this close together before, other than when she was in the hospital, courtesy of the Vocah. The visions seemed to last longer and the pain seemed worse.

He turned to Cordelia when she moaned. She squirmed a little, moaned again, then was quiet. He turned his attention back to the road.

"Angel?" Her voice was quiet and laced with sleep.

Angel glanced at her. "Hey."

"Where are we?"

"About 20 minutes out of LA."

"LA? Oh, right. The vision." She winced at the memory. "Where's everyone else?"

"Following us in Spike's car. They're going to be staying at the hotel."

Cordelia nodded and snuggled back into the seat. "Connor asleep?"

"Yeah. For about half an hour, I think."

"I scared him with my vision. He was crying. I scared him."

"He just didn't like to see you hurting," Angel said.

Cordelia was quiet for a few minutes. Finally she said, "I could have hurt him. I could have dropped him or landed on him when I fell."

"You didn't."

"But I could have."

"What are you saying?"

"Maybe I shouldn't hold Connor anymore. I mean, my visions are unpredictable. They can come at any time. The Powers That Be don't care if I'm holding your son."

Angel gave her an incredulous look and slowed the car. "Are you serious? Cordy, Connor loves you. You'd never hurt him, I know that. I know your visions are unpredictable, Cordy, but you've done fine with them this long. And before you got your vision today, you made sure Connor was OK. Don't you dare change anything you do with him, Cordy. I won't let you."

They were both silent as Angel pulled the car up in front of the hotel. Fred, Wes, Gunn, and Lorne came out to meet them. Fred got Connor out of his seat while Gunn and Wes went to help the others with their luggage.

Angel went around the front of the car and opened Cordelia's door. He took her hand and pulled her out. Once on her feet, she swayed, and he put an arm around her waist to steady her.

Once in the hotel, the guests were shown to their rooms and they took their bags up. Then everyone gathered in the hotel lobby. Angel made it a point to put Connor in Cordy's arms. She looked at him but said nothing as she tightened her arms securely around the little boy.

Once everyone was settled in the lobby, Angel took charge. "OK, there are three attacks happening simultaneously tomorrow night: an AA meeting downtown, a family in the suburbs, and a couple on the bluff outside LA. Three attacks, three Bamboria demons."

"Bamboria demons are notorious for being very nasty demons," Wesley cut in. "They will zero in on any vulnerability you have. They won't stop until their prey is dead, thereby giving the Bamboria strength and power."

"We need three separate teams. Spike, Buffy, and I will each lead a team. The rest of you will be with one of us," Angel said.

"I think we should assign the teams now," Buffy said. "They should be based on strength and ability."

Angel nodded. "OK. I'll take Fred and Cordelia. If Cordy feels up to it, that is."

Cordelia nodded. "I'll be fine."

"I'll take Willow and Gunn," Buffy said.

"Wait. That means I'm with Spike," Xander said. "I can't be with Spike."

Buffy sighed. "Fine. I'll take you and Wes. Willow and Gunn can go with Spike. Anybody object?"

When nobody objected Angel spoke again. "OK. We got tomorrow night. The goal is to save these people and kill the Bamboria demons."

"There is no specific way that Bamboria demons have to be killed. You can kill them any way you wish: decapitation, sword through the heart, whatever you wish," Wes said.

"Do we need a game plan or are we just gonna wing it?" Willow asked. "Cause I'm all for having a game plan."

"We can make a game plan if you want, love," Spike said," but I doubt we'll stick to it once the fight starts."

"Here's my game plan," Gunn said. "I'm gonna kick some Bamboria ass."

"OK, well, that works for me," Xander said.

The group sat in silence for a few minutes. There were no sounds except the occasional coo from Connor. Finally Buffy sighed. "Well, it's getting late. I think I'm gonna head up to bed." Willow and Xander agreed, and the three headed upstairs.

Cordelia stood up. "I'm tired too. I think I'm gonna head home." She handed Connor to Fred, who immediately started cooing to him.

Angel stood as well. "Why don't you just stay here? It's late."

"No. I really need to just go home," Cordelia said quietly.

Angel watched her for a moment before nodding. "At least let me walk you home."

Cordelia gave him one of her brilliant smiles. "Absolutely."

> > > > > >

Cordelia twisted the key in the lock and opened the door. "Dennis, I'm home," she called out.

Angel followed her in and flipped the lights on. He looked around the room absently as Cordelia went into her bedroom and shut the door halfway.

Angel picked up a picture off the mantle. It was an older one, with him, Cordy, and Wes from years before. "Are you sure you're alright to fight tomorrrow?"

The bedroom door opened and Cordelia came out dressed in her pajamas. "I'll be fine." She flopped down on the couch and curled up. "And anyway, we don't have a choice. We need everybody for this. That's why Buffy and everyone came."

Angel picked up a blanket off the end of the couch and draped it over her. "If you don't feel up to it, we can manage."

"No. I'll be there."

Angel sat down beside her as she burrowed deeper into the blanket. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For this. Your dad just died. His funeral was only a few hours ago. And instead of taking time to grieve, you have to rush off to fight more demons."

"I have the rest of my life to grieve, Angel."

Angel looked at her sadly but didn't say anything.

Cordelia sighed. "That's wasn't supposed to make you fell guilty. It's just the way things are."

"You need to grieve, Cordy. It's not healthy to hold it in or avoid it."

Cordelia closed her eyes. "I will, Angel. But right now I just need to concentrate on tomorrow. If I think about today and what happened, I'll crack. I can't crack right now; you guys need me to be strong."

"What about what you need?"

"I'll deal with what I need tomorrow, after we take care of the Bamboria demons." She shifted positions so that she was leaning against Angel. He lifted his arm and pulled her to him. They sat in silence and eventually Cordelia's breathing evened out. Angel looked down and saw that she'd fallen asleep. He adjusted the blanket around her shoulders and closed him own eyes.

> > > > > >

Cordelia slowly became aware of clanging sounds, coming from far away. A pleasant smell filled her nostrils. She groaned but opened her eyes. She was lying on the couch, under a blanket. She turned her head. She could hear Angel in the kitchen. She smiled: she was getting eggs.

She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the couch. She yawned, stretched, and made her way into the kitchen.

Angel was standing at the stove, intent on his creation in the pan. He looked so cute wearing the white frilly apron that she'd rarely used and she she had to laugh.

Angel turned around. "What's so funny?"

"I think that apron looks better on you than it does on me."

Angel returned her smile. "What's to think about? I know it looks better."

Cordelia walked around him and peered into the pan: scrambled eggs. "Maybe you should take it back to the hotel and wear it around."

Angel wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe I will."

Cordelia laughed. "I'm sure Spike would love to see that."

Angel made a face. "Spike. You know, there's something about him…"

"Hmm. Could it be the fact that he's a formerly evil vampire who's now fighting for the good guys?"

"What do you mean?"

"Angel, come on. You two are so similar. You were both evil. The Scourge of Europe and William the Bloody. You both had a…thing for Drusilla. You both love Buffy. You're both good now."

"I see the similarities," Angel said dryly. "What's your point?"

"According to the prophecies there's only one vampire with a soul. One good guy. One champion."

"I'm not worried about Spike being the champion," Angel cut in. "I'm really not."

Cordelia watched him thoughtfully for a minute before nodding. "OK, maybe not. After all, you've never liked Spike, even when you were both evil. You don't like sharing your women, do you?"

Angel turned his head to look at her. "What?"

"It was perfectly fine when you turned Drusilla. You didn't mind splitting your time between her and Darla. But you really didn't like it when Spike joined your little group and you had to share. And now he has Buffy."

Angel shook his head. "I really regret telling you anything about my past. You know, you should be a psychiatrist; you're good at getting into my head."

Cordelia shot him a bright smile. "Thank you."

Angel shook his head again. "Look, I admit that the prospect of Buffy and Spike together shocked me. But Buffy is a big girl. She can do what she wants."

"I think she'd doing exactly who she wants," Cordelia quipped.

Angel winced. "That doesn't mean we have to talk about it."

Cordelia patted his arm. "Poor baby," she cooed. "And speaking of babies, are the eggs almost done? I want to see Connor before all hell starts to break loose."

Angel smiled. "They're just about done. We'll head back to the hotel after breakfast."


	6. 6

Angel and Cordelia walked through he door of the Hyperion almost an hour later. Fred was sitting on the floor playing with Connor. Wesley's head was visible inside his office.

Fred jumped up when she saw them. "Wes has been in there all morning," she said. "He's doin' more research on Bamboria demons."

"Where's everyone else?" Angel asked as he scooped up Connor.

"Charles is in the shower. Everyone else went out for breakfast. They said they'd be back later."

Cordelia nodded slightly, her gaze fixed on the sight before her. Angel was smiling, chuckling as he tickled his son. Connor was laughing, head thrown back in joy. The happiness she was witnessing made her heart melt. The love that Angel and Connor shared, it was nothing like her relationship with her father. She bit her lip as she realized that she'd never get the chance to fix that relationship.

Angel frowned as he saw Cordelia tense up. Just minutes before she had been happy and smiling. Now she looked sad. Angel moved forward and bumped her shoulder with his. "Hey," he said when she looked at him. "No brooding."

She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Hey, isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Only if I'm brooding. Which I'm not, by the way."

Cordelia smiled again, and this one seemed more genuine. "I noticed that. You and Connor were having a good time."

Connor started squirming in his father's arms and Angel put him back down on the floor. The vampire gazed wistfully at his son. "It's weird. Having Connor, someone I love so much. And he loves me back. I mean, I loved Buffy and she loved me, but this is different. He needs me. Hell, I need him. That's never happened to me before."

"You'd better make sure damn sure you don't screw this up then, Broody Boy," Cordelia said playfully.

Angel shot her a glance. "I'm sure you'll keep me in line."

Cordelia's smile wavered and her voice dropped. "You know I will."

Angel dropped his gaze. "Listen, Cordy-"

Wesley came out of the office, cutting Angel off. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the pair. "Morning, Angel, Cordelia."

Cordelia stepped away from Angel. "Hey, Wes. Anything new on the Bamboria demons?"

"Other than their unique mating habits, no," Wes said wryly.

"What kind of unique mating habits?" Fred asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

"Well, the female is the dominant partner in the relationship. She initiates the mating. Females compete for their choice in males."

"How is that different from the real world?" Cordy quipped.

"It's a fight to the death."

"Oh."

Fred gulped visibly. "Well, I'm glad I'm not a Bamboria demon."

As Wes and Fred engaged in a more in-depth conversation about Bamboria demons, Lorne breezed through the front door.

"Morning, Princess. Angelcakes, how's the little one doing this-" The green demon cut himself off and gave Cordelia a second glance.

Cordelia squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "What?"

"Anything you want to say, Princess?"

"No," she said irritably. "Anything you want to say?"

Lorne shook his head. "Now, Princess, you know that's not the way things work around here. I don't read and tell."

Cordelia gave him a hard look. "Good."

Buffy, Xander, and Willow walked into the hotel, stopping at the palpable tension between the beauty queen and the green demon.

Buffy spoke first. "What'd we miss?"

"Nothing," Cordelia said briskly. "We were just discussing the fact that his suit clashes with his skin."

Angel stepped between his two links to the Powers. "Where's Spike?"

Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know, don't care."

"Don't know, don't care?" Lorne echoed disbelief evident in his voice.

"We had a fight last night and we haven't spoken since," Buffy said casually.

"You weren't very nice to him, Buffy," Willow said gently.

"So? He wasn't very nice to me either."

"So who's throwin' a party without invitin' me?" Everyone turned to see Gunn coming down the stairs. "I know ya'll wouldn't be throwin' a party without the life of it, now would ya?"

"Don't you mean the entertainment?" Cordelia quipped. "Cause watching you dance, man, that's funny."

Gunn shot her a look. "Don't be startin' something with me, Barbie."

Cordelia grinned. "Hey, all I'm saying-" She stopped abruptly, then let out a scream. Flashes of color. Bright. Red. Blood. Lots of blood, flowing in a strong, steady stream. A red face, demonic eyes glowing, laughing, enjoying the pain, sucking it up.

With another scream, she came back to her own body. She heard sounds, voices. She felt soft material against her bare arms, smooth, cool flesh on hers. Someone was holding her. Angel, probably. She lay still in his arms, knowing his heightened senses would pick up on her slowing heartbeat. He would take his cue from her.

She felt Angel shift against her as the ache in her head began. He moved to pick her up and she went with it, leaning into him, trying to bury herself inside his soul. He was so big, so strong, so…Angel; he would keep her safe and make all the pain go away.

She felt him stop walking and started to shift in his arms, expecting him to place her on the couch. Instead, he sat, cradling her in his arms, her body held tightly to his chest. She knew the others were there, but she lost herself in Angel's touch; his strong arm around her waist, supporting her should she need it; hand cool but soft against her face as he brushed the hair out of her eyes. She allowed Angel's presence to lull her into a calm that would soon be shattered.

"Another vision?" Buffy asked. "What was this one?"

"Yo, we usually wait till Barbie's ready before we go askin; her questions," Gunn said.

"But what if it's important?"

"They're all important," Angel said. "If it's urgent, she'll tell us."

Cordelia opened her eyes slowly. "It's alright," she said. "I'm ready."

"Do you need some aspirin or some water?" Fred asked.

"No. Aspirin doesn't help anyway." She shifted slightly on Angel's lap so that she was sitting upright. "I didn't see much anyway. There was a lot of red. Blood. And then the laughing demon."

"That's all?" Buffy asked incredulously. Willow nudged her. "What? I mean, I thought she got these visions to help people. How in the world does this help anyone?"

Wes cleared his throat. "Not all the visions have someone to save. Some are merely informative."

"That's what this one was," Cordelia said. She stood up. "I'm going to go home, maybe get a little sleep. I'll be back tonight for the thing."

Angel stood as well. "You're not driving."

Cordelia gave him a look. "I wasn't planning on it, Mom."

Willow stood up. "I can drive you home."

Cordelia hesitated. "Are you sure? You don't have to…"

Willow nodded. "It's fine."

Buffy stepped forward. "I'll come too."

Cordelia rolled her eyes and mumbled something only Angel heard.

Willow's car, which was really Spike's, was parked in front of the building. Cordelia climbed in the front seat, leaving Buffy to huff as she crawled into the back.

After a few minutes of silence, Willow started a conversation. "So are your visions always that intense?"

Cordelia sighed. "They didn't used to be. I mean, they were always painful, but they were never this bad. The longer I have them, the worse they get."

"Is there something you can do? A way to get rid of the pain?" Willow asked.

Cordelia shook her head, wincing as the throbbing intensified. "There's nothing I can do. Doyle, he's the one that gave me the visions, he was half-demon. He handled the visions better than I can, but they were painful for him too."

"So, what, you just put up with this pain for the rest of your life?"

Cordelia sighed. "It doesn't exactly work like that."

"What do you mean?"

"Humans can't handle the visions long-term. They're too hard on the brain."

"So what happens?"

"All human seers have died. They've suffered massive damage to their brains."

Willow was quiet for a few minutes. "So you're going to die?"

"Yes." Cordelia said it quietly, acceptance evident in her voice.

Buffy spoke for the first time. "Does Angel know?"

"He knows that the visions are getting worse, but he doesn't know that they're killing me," Cordelia admitted.

"You have to tell him," Willow said. "He needs to know."

"Why? So he can kill himself looking for a solution that doesn't exist? So he can walk on eggshells around me and treat me like I'm made of glass? So he can give me pitying looks? I don't think so."

"Cordelia's right," Buffy spoke up from the backseat. "Angel doesn't need to know. We'll just have to be there for him when it finally happens. Rest assured, Cordelia, I'll take good care of Angel."

Cordelia felt a tightening in her chest, but she ignored it. She had long since admitted to herself that she loved Angel. However, she had to be fair to him. No use teasing him with something he couldn't have.

No one spoke as Willow pulled the car up in front of Cordelia's apartment building. Cordelia thanked Willow for the ride, nodded curtly to Buffy, and got out of the car. As she walked to her building, she thanked whoever was listening that her apartment was on the ground floor; she didn't know if she could handle stairs right now.

Dennis opened the door before she even got to it. She gratefully went through it and collapsed in a heap on the couch, not even taking off her coat or shoes. A cool washcloth floated through the air, followed by her pills and a glass of water.

Cordelia opened her eyes long enough to swallow the pills and a little water. "Thanks, Dennis." She was vaguely aware of the cool breeze signifying Dennis' response. She tried to focus on anything but the rhythmic pounding in her head: Justin Timberlake, the dress she fell in love with on her last shopping trip. Her last coherent thought was that she'd have to get some new shoes to go with the dress…

> > > > > >

The sound of the phone ringing startled Cordelia. She looked around, but couldn't seem to find the phone. The phone on her desk wasn't ringing, and even if it was, Fred was sitting there, perfectly capable of answering it. No, wait, Fred was crying. Gunn sat beside her, trying to comfort her, but he looked miserable himself.

Cordelia started toward the couple, but before she reached them, the scene had changed. Lorne and Wesley stood in the garden talking quietly.

"I can't believe she's gone," Wes said. "It was so sudden."

"Princess was sick for a long time," Lorne said. "She just never said anything."

Cordelia took several steps back. Dead? She was dead? Then how was she here? Angel-he must be devastated. She started to turn around, but the scene changed again.

This time she was in the office. Angel stood at the desk, his back to her. He turned suddenly, and Cordelia saw that he wasn't alone. He had his arms around Buffy and she was holding Connor in her arms. They were all smiling.

Cordelia staggered backward. She was dead and Angel was here, with Buffy, happy. He was totally not grieving over her at all. No tears, no brooding. She really didn't mean anything to him at all.

The phone continued ringing, and Cordelia saw it on Angel's desk. The phone was ringing, but no one was answering it. She looked at the caller ID and was shocked to see her number on it. She was calling Angel, but he was too busy with Buffy to notice.

The phone continued ringing and suddenly the room started spinning. Around and around, she spun dizzily, and suddenly everyone else had disappeared. She was spinning, surrounded by red, and the Bamboria demon was laughing at her, and-

She was jerked back into reality, her body still being shaken by insistent hands, her name being called by a panicked voice. She opened her eyes and waited for her vision to focus, blinking slightly when Angel's face came into view.

Cordelia could see the concern visible in his eyes. His mouth was moving, but she chose to focus on catching her breath instead. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her rapidly-beating heart.

Angel shook her again and her eyes shot open. "Will you give me a minute?" she snapped. "I'm having trauma here."

Hurt flashed across his face. "Well, excuse me for worrying about you."

They sat in silence and Cordelia could feel her heart rate return to normal. Suddenly Angel snapped. "What the hell happened, anyway? Do you know how long I was trying to wake you up?"

"Excuse me? What gives you the right to come in here and act like a jerk? I told you that I wanted to be alone-"

"And I left you alone. All afternoon."

Cordelia stilled. "What?"

"I said, I gave you all afternoon."

"What time is it?"

"6:30."

"Oh my God! I can't believe I was out that long!"

"What happened?"

"I fell asleep, I guess. I mean, I had to be sleeping, because I had this dream, and- anyway, I better go get ready."

"What kind of dream?"

"Listen, it's not important-"

"Cordy. What kind of dream?"

"I was dead, OK? I was dead."

"Dead?"

"Yeah, and everyone was grieving. Except for you. You and Buffy and Connor had a nice happy little family thing," Cordelia said before she could catch herself.

"Me and Buffy? Why would me and Buffy-"

"Because you were together. A couple. Add Connor and you get a family, get it?"

Angel looked at her for a minute. "Cordy, you know that if anything ever happened to you, I'd be devastated. And you know I can't replace you. I wouldn't even try."

Cordelia examined her nails. "Yeah, well, it was just a dream."

Angel took her gently by the shoulders. "Cordelia, you are one of the most important things in my life. I can't lose you. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn't turn to Buffy for anything, especially as a replacement for you."

Cordelia whacked him on the shoulder. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. It was a dream. No big deal."

"So we're fine?"

"We're better than fine; we're great." Cordelia gave him a bright smile. "I'm gonna go get ready."


	7. 7

20 minutes later Angel and Cordelia walked into the hotel. Everyone was gathered in the lobby, fighting clothes on, weapons assembled.

Fred came running over to them. "Good, you're here. I called and called Cordy's apartment, but no one answered the phone."

"So that's what that was," Cordelia mumbled to herself. They walked over to the rest of the group.

Buffy glanced at them. "Are we ready to go now?" Cordelia looked around to see if anyone else had detected the frosty tone in her voice, but no one seemed to.

Gunn shifted beside Wes. "So are we gonna do this or not?"

> > > > > >

Angel, Cordelia, and Fred were on their way to the bluffs. They were going to save the engaged couple.

They saw the car parked just up ahead, overlooking the city like in Cordelia's vision. The plan was to observe the couple from a slight distance and wait for the Bamboria demon to show up. They took their weapons and crouched in the bushes near the car.

They didn't have to wait long. Cordelia spotted the demon first. It was moving stealthily among the trees, heading straight towards the car. Angel waited until it got out in the open, then he charged. Cordelia and Fred were right behind him. The couple in the car saw what was going on and took off.

Angel was struggling with the demon. The sword he had was only good for deflecting the demon's spines. Even then, Angel was still sporting a few bloody gashes.

Cordelia raised her axe and rushed the demon from behind, hoping to catch it off-guard. It turned, struck at her, and sent her sprawling on the ground. She watched as Angel charged again, engaging in a flurry of darts and jabs. Fred hefted her axe and charged the demon. The demon saw her coming and struck out at her, sending her flying toward the edge of the bluff. Angel vamped out and the demon scurried away.

Angel ran to the edge of the cliff. "Fred!"

A weak voice called back to him. "I'm here."

He dropped to his knees and peered over the edge. There she was, hanging precariously over the busy city. "Hang on, Fred," Angel called. "I'll get you." He flattened his body to the ground and pulled Fred back over the edge without much effort.

After she had gotten her balance back, Fred looked around. "Where's the demon?"

"It ran off."

"Where's Cordy?"

Angel looked around, but didn't see her anywhere. "Cordelia?" he called out. No response. She was gone.

> > > > > >

Cordelia groaned. The pain in her head was just as intense as before, but now she had pain in her whole body as well. Where was she? She couldn't remember. She was thrown by the demon, but after that things got fuzzy.

She looked around. She was in the center of a very large room, lying on the floor. There was no one else in sight.

She climbed unsteadily to her feet and waited for the dizziness to reside before taking a step forward. She took another step. White hot pain flashed through her body and she was flung backward.

She groaned again. Man, that hurt. And she was back on the ground again. This time, however, she decided to stay down.

She was laying there for several minutes before she heard footsteps. She turned towards the noise and saw a Bamboria demon walking toward her. She tensed up, but her body was too exhausted to fight. Suddenly another demon appeared out of nowhere. A bright light appeared behind the two demons. Buffy appeared to the right of Cordelia, Angel appeared between the two women. The other six people appeared in a cluster on the other side of the room.

"Cordelia!" Angel tried to move toward her but was thrown backward after two steps.

Another Bamboria demon appeared and approached the group. "Welcome."

"Where the hell are we?" Angel growled.

"Where you are does not matter. What matters is what you do."

"What will we do?" Buffy asked.

"We are weak. We needed to regenerate ourselves tonight. You ruined that."

"You were going to kill people," Buffy snapped. "Did you think we were just going to let you?"

The demon ignored her. "However, we can still regenerate." The demon looked at Cordelia. "You. You are vulnerable right now." The demon swung his gaze to Buffy. "And you. You can be vulnerable as well."

Cordelia felt Angel's gaze on her, but kept her focus on the demon in front of her. "Let's cut to the chase. What the hell do you want?"

"We want to feed."

"You said Cordelia was vulnerable. Why haven't you fed on her already?" Xander asked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks, Xander."

The demon spoke again. "We could feed off of her now. However, it is more beneficial to us to put them both in vulnerable situations."

"And if we refuse these 'vulnerable situations'?" Cordelia asked.

"If you should refuse, all your friends will die," the demon said.

Cordelia felt the air around her shift. The demon beckoned her forward, and she hesitated before obliging. The demon beckoned to Buffy and she came forward as well.

"The process is simple. Each of you will experience something designed to make you vulnerable." The demon gestured to Angel. "It is his job to save one of you."

Angel growled again. "What?"

"You can save one and only one. Who you save is up to you, but your choice is final."

"What will happen to the other one?"

"She will die."

"That's not fair!" Fred exclaimed.

The others made similar protests, but Cordelia didn't hear. She was lost in her own thoughts. Angel could save one person today. She was dying. Angel should save Buffy. She fought back a chuckle as she remembered her dream. Now it all made sense.

The demon was speaking again. "If there are no more questions, we will begin."

And just like that, the chaos erupted. The room spun around and around until it suddenly stopped. Cordelia looked around but saw no one. Buffy was gone, Angel was gone, the demons were gone.

Cordelia turned around and jumped back. Standing there before her was her dead father. He was thin and pale and…dead. She took another step back as he stepped toward her.

"You disappoint me, Cordelia. You disappoint me so much. You're so weak. I didn't raise you to be weak."

Cordelia backed up until she hit the wall. "Daddy-"

"Don't speak! Have some respect for your father. You are the worst daughter a father could have. How do you live with yourself?"

"Daddy, I'm sorry," she cried out as she sank down against the wall.

The scene changed and suddenly Angel and Buffy stood in front of her. "Angel?"

Angel glared at her. "Don't talk to me. You don't get to. You're dying, Cordelia. I'm not wasting my time with you anymore."

Buffy smiled smugly. "I told him, Cordelia. I told him everything. And you know what he told me? He told me that he loved me and that we should be together. He doesn't want you around anymore."

"But we're family."

"Not anymore," Angel said. "Buffy's my family now."

Fred, Wes, and Gunn came to stand by Angel and Buffy. "Yo, Barbie, what's up?" Gunn asked the blonde.

"Barbie? That's my name," Cordelia protested.

"Not anymore. We love Buffy now, not you."

"Buffy. Buffy. Buffy."

Cordelia rested her head on her knees and sobbed, trying to block out their chants. "No! No! No!"

The Bamboria demon was laughing. She could hear it. Suddenly Angel was there, grabbing her, holding her. She pushed against him. "Go away! You don't want me, you want her!"

Angel reached for her again and locked her in his embrace. "It's OK. It's OK."

Cordelia fought down hysteria as she fruitlessly struggled against him. "Just let me go," she sobbed.

Angel pulled her even closer and she stopped struggling. He rested his chin on the top of her head. "It's alright," he whispered. "I'm right here, it's alright."

Across the room Buffy groaned and sat up. "What happened?"

The demon gaped at her. "You're alive? He chose her, you should be dead!"

Buffy stood up and dusted herself off. "Dead? Do you know how many times that's happened to me? Don't mess with a slayer."

She flew at the demon and landed a kick to his chest. The others rushed to help her. Wes hefted an axe and decapitated the lead demon. Almost instantly the two remaining demons burst into flames and burned away.

While the others stood trying to catch their breath, Angel still stood with his arms around Cordelia. She pressed herself as close against him as she could. His arms were strong and sure around her waist and back.

Angel pulled back a little. "Come on. Let's ho home."

> > > > > >

The luggage was packed in Spike's car and the gang was in the lobby saying their good-byes. Buffy and Spike had since made up, and there was no tension between her and Cordelia. Everyone was promising to write and keep in touch. Willow was saying goodbye to Connor in baby talk.

Buffy pulled Cordelia aside. "Listen, I'm sorry. I know you've been having a rough time and my comments about Angel haven't made it any better."

"It's alright. Don't apologize for my insecurities."

Buffy chuckled, then sobered up. "I really think that you should tell Angel that you're-"

Cordelia cut her off before she could finish. "I'll think about it."

The two girls said goodbye and the Sunnydale gang piled into Spike's car. The blonde vampire beeped twice before driving off into the darkness.

They stood outside for a few minutes, enjoying the night air. Fred yawned and stretched. "I think I'm going to go home with Gunn tonight."

"Yeah, we should get going," Gunn said.

Wes nodded. "I believe I'll go home as well."

"Me too," Cordelia chimed in.

Angel shook his head. "Oh, no. Not you. I want to talk to you."

They said their goodnights and Cordelia and Angel went inside. Cordelia settled in on the couch while Angel went up to check on Connor. She looked up when he came down the stairs. "Well?"

"Sound asleep, curled around that teddy bear you bought him."

"I told you he'd like it," she huffed.

Angel chuckled. "Yeah, well, I guess you're right every now and then."

Cordelia yawned. "Angel, I'm really tired."

"I know. I just want to talk for a few minutes."

"OK, talk."

Angel sighed. "Cordy, I just…do you really think I'd choose Buffy over you? Ever?"

Cordelia groaned. "Are we still on my dream?"

"Sometimes dreams mean things."

"OK, fine. I'll admit that I was a little insecure. But you cleared all that up. Trust me."

Angel nodded. "OK. But what about your dad?"

Cordelia squirmed. "What about him?"

"Cordy, you were talking about him. Hell, you were talking to him."

Cordelia sighed. "He kept telling me how disappointed he was in me. That I was the worst daughter in the world."

"You know that's not true."

"Actually, it was. At least a little. I could have tried harder to have a relationship with him. But I know that he could have tried harder, too."

"So you're OK?"

"Yeah. I think I am."

Angel smiled. "Good. Cause if you're not fine, I'm not fine."

Cordelia snorted. "Yeah, OK."

"No, no, no, it's kind of like that Titanic movie you made me watch. You jump, I jump, you know? We're in this together."

Cordelia smiled. "Good. Cause I'd hate to be in this alone."

"Me too," Angel said. "Me too."

The End


End file.
